Cotton Candy, Christ, and Why Christians Don't Like Us.

Okeedokee, so here's another deep theological note filled with Cotton Candy Christian goodness. So soak it in drones... soak it in.

Just kidding.

I wanna discuss this guy named Jesus, Jesu, Christ, the Messiah, the Savior, the Kingdom Incarnate. I'm taking Greek Readings this May, and we're walking through the Forth Gospel. Although we're beat with pleasant Sunday School stories and redundant sermons about Jesus turning water into wine (or should I say grape juice like it REALLY was), Jesus healing a crippled guy, and Jesus "nicely" converting the Samaritan woman at the well, John has quite a different view of who this Jesus guy really was.

Jesus enjoyed the Manishevitz flavored grape juice, entertained a company of social so and so's, and was a real smart ass when it came to answering peoples questions.

At the wedding in John 2, when they ran out of wine, this was a big deal. It would have been a great embarrassment for Wedding Planner, Master of Ceremonies, whatever you want to call him, to not have enough wine for the entire festival. They would have served the good wine, the really strong wine first, and as the party went on, and people continued to get more intoxicated, they would have brought weaker and weaker wine. Here comes Jesus, taking Jewish ceremonial hand washing jars, fills them up with enough water to fill a swimming pool, and turns it into the good stuff. This was a shock to the MC because everyone would have expected the wine to be watered down or weak. But Jesus bring in the PGA quality wine.

When Nicodemus questions him about his conduct, Jesus said you must be born ανωθεν, which more probably means form "above" not "again". Old Nicky asks him how someone can be born again from their mother's womb. To which Jesus replies with a another confusing statement, you must be born of water and spirit. He then talks about how the wind or spirit moves where it wishes and one cannot tell where it comes from. Nicodemus is so confused now, he says, "How can this be?" Jesus, being a real smart ass here, says, "You're a teacher of Israel, how is it you do not know these things?"

Jesus hung out with 12 saints right? No, he hung out with tax collectors, prostitutes, and complete degenerates.

I don't imagine that, if the 2nd coming happened, and Jesus hung out in America among the modern Cotton Candy Christians, that he would be received very well. In fact, I'm pretty sure that 99% of all churches would excommunicate him. He drinks, he avoids politics, and he hangs out with people of questionable repute.

When Jesus answered questions, he didn't sugar coat his answers with substitution words like "frick" "crap" or "darn". He said what he meant, sometimes using the strongest possible language. In Mark 1, when Jesus drives out a demon, he says, "Demon, please hush up now." right? No. He uses the word "φιμωθητι", similar to our, "shut the hell up."

I imagine Jesus hanging out with a group of his close friends, probably all homosexuals, young single moms, and homeless people, sharing a good beer and talking about God knows what (well i guess he would, being God and all).

I imagine Jesus being asked, "What's your position on homosexual marriage?" to which he might answer, "What's the evangelical divorce rate again?"

I imagine Jesus being asked, "What do you think about keeping this a dry county?" to which he might answer, "Do you happen to have a jug of water?"

I imagine Jesus being asked, "So are you a Liberal Democrat or a Right-Wing Republican?" to which he might answer, "My Kingdom is not of this world."

If we truly were to imitate Christ, I don't imagines Christians would like us very much. If we were truly to imitate Christ, I think atheist intellectuals, homeless people, homosexuals, and shunned single parents would actually enjoy hanging out with us rather than flee from our very presence for fear of being judged.

What's the point of this note you might ask? I'm not telling to you take up drinking. I'm not telling you to take up cursing. I'm not telling you to answer every question sarcastically or avoid all political ties. I'm telling you that a lot of people who wear the WWJD bracelets would hate what Jesus actually did. They would not like to hang out with Christ.

What would Jesus do? Dive into some Scripture and read about what he did. Stop bringing your own baggage of conservative ideals to the what you think Jesus would do now.